Even when we conceal, we reveal.

Yet each man kills the thing he loves
By each let this be heard.
Some do it with a bitter look.
Some with a flattering word.
The coward does it with a kiss.
The brave man with a sword!

(Oscar Wilde, Ballad of Reading Jail, 1898)


And so we hurt the very people we love. Yet hate taints the purity of love and makes it bitter. Ugly words kill the people we love. And yet we love again. Memory of what is good and sacred erases the pain and forces all to act with goodness and blind faith again. Apologetic is the heart that hurts, optimistic is that which reaches out for warmth of the hearth that lights up the home.

I had a tiff with my mum today, again. It takes two to tango. But whatever it is, I apologised to her. I hate fighting. It is mentally draining for me. So when i apologised, she said she's been hurt too many times by her sons, and she's not clinging on to whatever hope that's left and bla bla bla. I do not understand her rationale. What has my two brothers got to do with this? It is unfair for me that she drags them into this. Sometimes i just hate my brothers. Why do they have to be far away from the family? These past years, I've tried being the glue that held my family together. Today, I am not going to waste my time anymore. Everybody is just too self- obsessed. Blaming others for their mistakes. Thinking they're always right.


I know who I am and it is not easy for my mother to accept who I am and so some things are not really discussed or are just spat out and left on the floor to dry, leaving just imprints of words to replay in the mind's ear.

Enough about this. I've got another issue in my mind now. I have a friend, a guy, who's gay. I told him that in Islam, it's not acceptable. But he told me he tried changing but he can't. He wants to, but he can't. Some people also know that he's gay and as a result, they treat him like some pariah, leaving him to feel very unwanted. I mean, i dont know how it feels like being gay, but I sure know how it feels like being unwanted. So over the months, I've been his friend. I told my mother about this few months ago, and she told me to stay away from him. I'm torn. I want to be his friend, because i know he is depressed but at the same time, I dont wanna go against my mother's words.
What should i do? I've advised him, but he told me not to cling on to the hope that he'll be straight.

And the irony is that he follows religion closely. So why does this happen?


Lesso learnt today :
Life is sweet, salty, bitter and sour, you just have to take it all in and enjoy the juxtaposition of all the flavours.