When It Rains, It Pours.

I feel that a lot of people are angry at me now, for reasons I don't know.

A lot of things have happened over these two weeks. My attempt to lose weight (which is obviously failing), my father, my insecurities and well. Some more problems which A'qilah knows.

Initially, I asked myself, what is it that J has that I don't? I thought I was at par with her. We both have our weaknesses and strenghts. But something happened tht made me feel inferior towards her. I was angry. Angry at her. At myself. At everyone. It took A'qilah to ask me this question ; are you then, angry at Allah?, to make me take a step back and see the whole picture. There is a hikmah for everything. I have yet to see the it, but I reckon that this would save my father from getting another heart attack :D

I talked to my mum and A'qilah about this issue. Of course, A'qilah was the more understanding one. Umi simply asked, why bother?

But that was true. Why am I so bothered? Must be my slf- esteem issues. Which brings us to the incident yesterday. I didn't wanna go to my grandma's bday party for several reasons, so I ended up eating dinner with A'qilah and Kak Noraini (her treat :D) Kak Noraini then knocked some sense into me, something a lot of people have failed to do so. I have to learn to love myself. To accept myself for who I am. And to learn not to rush.

What A'qilah said was true to, when you ask Allah for patience, He gives it to you through tests.

I guess I just have to brace myself.

ON A SEPARATE NOTE, yesterday, while we walked into Swensens, everyone (and i mean everyone) was staring at us. Kak Noraini said it's because we're pretty.

But it has to to be that we were all in black Jubahs and black and grey hijab.

Duh.

News Flash

I read your blog Hayani. truthfully, it hurt. because i did not take drastic actions as to disregard you from my life. I'm glad I followed my mum's words of wisdom (something very rare)- do not think emotionally. I will never regret out four years of friendship. we had our share of sorrow and unhappiness, something i will never forget.

but please. i beg of you not to think emotionally. do not follow what your heart pleases you to do. removing your archives and stuff, just to erase any memories left of me. why not delete all the picture i took of you too? why are you still using them?

but whatever. if you want to consider me as the past, fine with me.

im too tired to care anymore.

a wasted effort.
goodbye.

The Truth, And Nothing But The Truth

I met with Afifah just now (with the consent of A'qilah lolol I should really stop this)



and I'm glad we clarified things out. sort of. there was a misunderstanding abt one of my blog posts. abt the borak friends part. but im not going to take down the post. that would mean im a coward, and pleasing people is not my ultimate aim.

so here it is. what i feel.

i dont think our friendship was plastic. but it wasnt a truthful one either. we say we're best friends, but there're secrets one of us would not know, but the other one will. i do admit i'm MIA most of the time, but honestly, is a friendship really based on the MIA-ness of someone? if so, i wouldnt have any friends. i do admit that we cannot tell everything toach other. i do admit there are some thigns i keep from the two of you. read that? the two of you. not one of you. if you would wanna keep a secret from one of us, then make sure the one who doesnt know abt it will never find out. yani and ifah, theyve been friends since pri school. sometimes i feel like an outsider around them. but of course, its not like that all the time. we had our own fair share of fun.

but yes. you say you are waiting for my move, cos youve always been making the first move? im not trying to cari pasal, but since when did you make the first move? from what i know, out most recent fight was 2 years ago, and I was the one who had to apologise first.
so yes, enlighten me.

i read your blog, abt the dates you had with the rest of our gfs, but didnt inform me of it. i talked to my mum abt it, and she said maybe because of my MIA (yet again)

but seriously, you all shouldnt just make that an excuse. example, ifah said on wed, when she msged me, she wasnt hoping for any reply. but yet, i replied her and we went out. so thing is my friends, do not make your own hasty decisions.

and the reason why i can spend so much time with aqilah now is because im not busy with my cousins. you all know what happened between my cousins and i. i dont spend time with them anymore, hence my free time. if you were to ask me out right now, id say yes. and this are not mere words.

so yes. if you can kecil hati, i can too, with the blog posts. if i can cool down and be patient, you should also try and make an effort too.

im not saying im not blaming myself for this. i do admit, i have my faults.

but what about yours?