A'qilah was asking bout my fav stuffz on MSN.
A'qilah Saiere.Allah Knows. says:
country?
Fatin Bamadhaj says:
yemen <33333 HAHAHAHAHA
A'qilah Saiere.Allah Knows. says:
no comments.
food?
Fatin Bamadhaj says:
hahahah
food? mmmmmm. i have no preferences. but i like arab food. im not being pro arab or what. but yeah. i like cos its meaty
A'qilah Saiere.Allah Knows. says:
you're obviously pro-arab. pretty obvious.
who is your favourite person?
Fatin Bamadhaj says:
YOUUUUUUUU
HAHAHHAHAHA
A'qilah Saiere.Allah Knows. says:
no comments.
okay dah, interview over. you can interview me if you want or just ignore i exist
Fatin Bamadhaj says:
i prefer the latter
A'qilah Saiere.Allah Knows. says:
granted. nudge when u wish to acknowledge my presence.
You have just sent a nudge.
Fatin Bamadhaj says:
okay
A'qilah Saiere.Allah Knows. says:
HAHAHAHAHAHAHA
Fatin Bamadhaj says:
who's your favourite person
A'qilah Saiere.Allah Knows. says:
favourite person? not you.
LOL.
Fatin Bamadhaj says:
not me? fine ah. i change my answer also. favourite person is ME. ME ME ME ME ME
A'qilah Saiere.Allah Knows. says:
fave person fave person fave person fave person fave person
SHEEEESH that's a tough one
Fatin Bamadhaj says:
im feeling the love.
A'qilah Saiere.Allah Knows. says:
it should be my wife i guess have you met her?
Fatin Bamadhaj says:
eh wait pause. isnt the wife me?
A'qilah Saiere.Allah Knows. says:
you're bloody slow. analyse and tell me.
Fatin Bamadhaj says:
yalah me ah. this is totally off topic. im in the room, and my mum in the kitchen. she just called me form the house phone saying she made tea for me. now i know why shes my mum
A'qilah Saiere.Allah Knows. says:
LOL...
fatin you're making me laugh in d middle of d night
my bro is sitting on my bed thinking his sister is Crazy
Fatin Bamadhaj says:
its not even elevennnnnn
took him 12 years to realise??
A'qilah Saiere.Allah Knows. says:
does that make it less night?
Thank You.
Fatin Bamadhaj says:
well, yeah. to me
haha velcummmmmm
Fatin Bamadhaj says:
(you must be so damned proud of me)\
A'qilah Saiere.Allah Knows. says:
why is that
Fatin Bamadhaj says:
because i said velcum. you know. like indian accent.
A'qilah Saiere.Allah Knows. says:
I'm Javanese.
Fatin Bamadhaj says:
if my paternal grandma was alive she'd slap me for being biased towards her ace
*race
A'qilah Saiere.Allah Knows. says:
I'll tell her in Jannah don;t worry Insya'Allah
then we started talking about things which were a little too private.
ANYWAY.
this blog is not for public consumption (if that even makes sense) but yes. this blog is just a little diary i keep for myself.
Anyhooo, A'qilah is my fav person because she's the only person i can talk properly both in MSN and face to face. Plus, if i dont reply her smses, she'll always ask if im dead.
yep.
30 years down the road, reading this, i will think im the most merepek person alive.
Allah Hafiz.
Saturday, February 28, 2009
Life is a dancer. I am the dance.
A'qilah tagged me. So i'm doing it.
Quickly list down 3 things that you'll never ever ever do in your life ever. Preferably it should be something that many other people do or something you have done before and will never ever do again.
1) convert to any other religion.
2) please people, just for the sake of keeping them happy.
3) break promises.
I can go on and on, for there'ere many things in this life that I would never want to do, or have done before. Also, they're many things in life I wish to say to my elders. (not my parents. just some specific people)
There're currently 7 maids at home now. Life is heaven. Because now i have an excuse not to do housework (I've been doing them the past weeks ok i need rest) hee hee. I'm waiting for them to fry for me tempe( is that how you spell it? *calls A'qilah*. she'll be very proud of me. maklum, makanan negara dia. haaaa. she is going to slap me)
I witnessed something yesterday, which made me realise 2 things.
1) be grateful to your parents.
2) do not take your religion lightly.
At first i was a bit zonked out. I was very disorientated. It was my first time witnessing something as such. But after thinking back, I am grateful, because Allah has been very kind to me, giving me so called 'pelajaran'.
Dont ask me why I have malay words inside.
Someone to love you with all his heart is difficult to come by.
So true.
Quickly list down 3 things that you'll never ever ever do in your life ever. Preferably it should be something that many other people do or something you have done before and will never ever do again.
1) convert to any other religion.
2) please people, just for the sake of keeping them happy.
3) break promises.
I can go on and on, for there'ere many things in this life that I would never want to do, or have done before. Also, they're many things in life I wish to say to my elders. (not my parents. just some specific people)
There're currently 7 maids at home now. Life is heaven. Because now i have an excuse not to do housework (I've been doing them the past weeks ok i need rest) hee hee. I'm waiting for them to fry for me tempe( is that how you spell it? *calls A'qilah*. she'll be very proud of me. maklum, makanan negara dia. haaaa. she is going to slap me)
I witnessed something yesterday, which made me realise 2 things.
1) be grateful to your parents.
2) do not take your religion lightly.
At first i was a bit zonked out. I was very disorientated. It was my first time witnessing something as such. But after thinking back, I am grateful, because Allah has been very kind to me, giving me so called 'pelajaran'.
Dont ask me why I have malay words inside.
Someone to love you with all his heart is difficult to come by.
So true.
Monday, February 23, 2009
Even when we conceal, we reveal.
Yet each man kills the thing he loves
By each let this be heard.
Some do it with a bitter look.
Some with a flattering word.
The coward does it with a kiss.
The brave man with a sword!
(Oscar Wilde, Ballad of Reading Jail, 1898)
And so we hurt the very people we love. Yet hate taints the purity of love and makes it bitter. Ugly words kill the people we love. And yet we love again. Memory of what is good and sacred erases the pain and forces all to act with goodness and blind faith again. Apologetic is the heart that hurts, optimistic is that which reaches out for warmth of the hearth that lights up the home.
I had a tiff with my mum today, again. It takes two to tango. But whatever it is, I apologised to her. I hate fighting. It is mentally draining for me. So when i apologised, she said she's been hurt too many times by her sons, and she's not clinging on to whatever hope that's left and bla bla bla. I do not understand her rationale. What has my two brothers got to do with this? It is unfair for me that she drags them into this. Sometimes i just hate my brothers. Why do they have to be far away from the family? These past years, I've tried being the glue that held my family together. Today, I am not going to waste my time anymore. Everybody is just too self- obsessed. Blaming others for their mistakes. Thinking they're always right.
I know who I am and it is not easy for my mother to accept who I am and so some things are not really discussed or are just spat out and left on the floor to dry, leaving just imprints of words to replay in the mind's ear.
Enough about this. I've got another issue in my mind now. I have a friend, a guy, who's gay. I told him that in Islam, it's not acceptable. But he told me he tried changing but he can't. He wants to, but he can't. Some people also know that he's gay and as a result, they treat him like some pariah, leaving him to feel very unwanted. I mean, i dont know how it feels like being gay, but I sure know how it feels like being unwanted. So over the months, I've been his friend. I told my mother about this few months ago, and she told me to stay away from him. I'm torn. I want to be his friend, because i know he is depressed but at the same time, I dont wanna go against my mother's words.
What should i do? I've advised him, but he told me not to cling on to the hope that he'll be straight.
And the irony is that he follows religion closely. So why does this happen?
Lesso learnt today :
Life is sweet, salty, bitter and sour, you just have to take it all in and enjoy the juxtaposition of all the flavours.
By each let this be heard.
Some do it with a bitter look.
Some with a flattering word.
The coward does it with a kiss.
The brave man with a sword!
(Oscar Wilde, Ballad of Reading Jail, 1898)
And so we hurt the very people we love. Yet hate taints the purity of love and makes it bitter. Ugly words kill the people we love. And yet we love again. Memory of what is good and sacred erases the pain and forces all to act with goodness and blind faith again. Apologetic is the heart that hurts, optimistic is that which reaches out for warmth of the hearth that lights up the home.
I had a tiff with my mum today, again. It takes two to tango. But whatever it is, I apologised to her. I hate fighting. It is mentally draining for me. So when i apologised, she said she's been hurt too many times by her sons, and she's not clinging on to whatever hope that's left and bla bla bla. I do not understand her rationale. What has my two brothers got to do with this? It is unfair for me that she drags them into this. Sometimes i just hate my brothers. Why do they have to be far away from the family? These past years, I've tried being the glue that held my family together. Today, I am not going to waste my time anymore. Everybody is just too self- obsessed. Blaming others for their mistakes. Thinking they're always right.
I know who I am and it is not easy for my mother to accept who I am and so some things are not really discussed or are just spat out and left on the floor to dry, leaving just imprints of words to replay in the mind's ear.
Enough about this. I've got another issue in my mind now. I have a friend, a guy, who's gay. I told him that in Islam, it's not acceptable. But he told me he tried changing but he can't. He wants to, but he can't. Some people also know that he's gay and as a result, they treat him like some pariah, leaving him to feel very unwanted. I mean, i dont know how it feels like being gay, but I sure know how it feels like being unwanted. So over the months, I've been his friend. I told my mother about this few months ago, and she told me to stay away from him. I'm torn. I want to be his friend, because i know he is depressed but at the same time, I dont wanna go against my mother's words.
What should i do? I've advised him, but he told me not to cling on to the hope that he'll be straight.
And the irony is that he follows religion closely. So why does this happen?
Lesso learnt today :
Life is sweet, salty, bitter and sour, you just have to take it all in and enjoy the juxtaposition of all the flavours.
unconditional love? maybe not.
i. am. so. freaking. pissed (okay wah i sound like im on white chicks)
ANYWAY.
reason is, abah just called me, scolding me (serious no joke) on why i didnt reply his sms. he said 'you and umi all the same. when im at home, your phone bunyi tak habis2 and you all layan. when im away and i sms you all, never reply. you all dont care about me eh' and went on and on.
abah sent me 4 sms today and i replied to 3! thats not bad what! and as for umi not replying your sms, i cant really comment on that. she's super busy and sometimes i dont even see her.
nyeh. whatever ah. i dont wanna be angry. he's my father. and i've only got one(no im not asking for more)
watched slumdog millionaire today with a'qilah. i love dev patel i swear. but the thing that i liked in the beginning of the movie was this line
they're Muslims. Kill them.
for once, i thought, finally, muslims are the ones being terrorised, not terrorists. in the media, i mean.
but in the middle, one of the muslim men, was a murderer or something. so before he went out to do his 'duty', he'd pray and asked God to forgive him. for me, it was a bit ironic.
today's outing for me, was a bit .....
i dont know why. maybe because we're both tired. a'qilah was mentally tired (she admits she thinks too much) and im just deprived of sleep (this is a serious issue ok)
and that girl just HAD to bring up the topic on separation. i hate it. i hate the word. i hate the idea of it. i hate everything about it.
she was talking about how everything will be when poly starts. i felt like slapping her with my chicken. seriously.
when she talked about it, it reminded me of what hayani & ifah told me. about sticking together till the end. all of those were just mere words. look at where we are now.
but somehow, with a'qilah, i dont know why, i believe we can make it. maybe because our bond is strong, we've got the same ideaology and we've so much in common. prolly the reason why im separated with hayani & ifah is because they were just my borak friends? i dont mean to be mean or cold hearted. i do admit, they have been my pillar of support at times. but i ask myself, do they really care for me?
damn. writing all these is making me negative. must be the hours i spent with a'qilah today. heeee.
but anyway a'qilah, if youre reading this, good friends are hard to come by. you were lucky you found me HAHHA ok ok its mutual. im wont give up till you do.
you have my word.
Allah hafiz.
ANYWAY.
reason is, abah just called me, scolding me (serious no joke) on why i didnt reply his sms. he said 'you and umi all the same. when im at home, your phone bunyi tak habis2 and you all layan. when im away and i sms you all, never reply. you all dont care about me eh' and went on and on.
abah sent me 4 sms today and i replied to 3! thats not bad what! and as for umi not replying your sms, i cant really comment on that. she's super busy and sometimes i dont even see her.
nyeh. whatever ah. i dont wanna be angry. he's my father. and i've only got one(no im not asking for more)
watched slumdog millionaire today with a'qilah. i love dev patel i swear. but the thing that i liked in the beginning of the movie was this line
they're Muslims. Kill them.
for once, i thought, finally, muslims are the ones being terrorised, not terrorists. in the media, i mean.
but in the middle, one of the muslim men, was a murderer or something. so before he went out to do his 'duty', he'd pray and asked God to forgive him. for me, it was a bit ironic.
today's outing for me, was a bit .....
i dont know why. maybe because we're both tired. a'qilah was mentally tired (she admits she thinks too much) and im just deprived of sleep (this is a serious issue ok)
and that girl just HAD to bring up the topic on separation. i hate it. i hate the word. i hate the idea of it. i hate everything about it.
she was talking about how everything will be when poly starts. i felt like slapping her with my chicken. seriously.
when she talked about it, it reminded me of what hayani & ifah told me. about sticking together till the end. all of those were just mere words. look at where we are now.
but somehow, with a'qilah, i dont know why, i believe we can make it. maybe because our bond is strong, we've got the same ideaology and we've so much in common. prolly the reason why im separated with hayani & ifah is because they were just my borak friends? i dont mean to be mean or cold hearted. i do admit, they have been my pillar of support at times. but i ask myself, do they really care for me?
damn. writing all these is making me negative. must be the hours i spent with a'qilah today. heeee.
but anyway a'qilah, if youre reading this, good friends are hard to come by. you were lucky you found me HAHHA ok ok its mutual. im wont give up till you do.
you have my word.
Allah hafiz.
Saturday, February 21, 2009
see what i mean?
Fatin Bamadhaj says:
haha hey but i thought must be 21 then can take car license?
zul says:
no lah...the 21 age limit is for u to b able to buy ur own car...
Fatin Bamadhaj says:
ALHAMDULLILAHHHHHHH
zul says:
hahaha
zul says:
wow
zul says:
dats sumting u dont see from fatin everyday
haha hey but i thought must be 21 then can take car license?
zul says:
no lah...the 21 age limit is for u to b able to buy ur own car...
Fatin Bamadhaj says:
ALHAMDULLILAHHHHHHH
zul says:
hahaha
zul says:
wow
zul says:
dats sumting u dont see from fatin everyday
judging me? mirror yourself first, please.
let me just go straight to the point. something irked me yesterday, at my grandma's.
my 17 year old cousin asked me to pass him a pack of twisties that amal was eating(without saying PLEASE). my other cousin, then question him why i should pass it to him. know what was his answer?
she's wearing the hijab, so she must be nice.
what a bloody stereotype.
so if i wear the hijab, i must be nice. what if im not wearing it? is the piece of cloth on my head an indication to you that i must be nice? what about the other girls on the streets who do not wear it? does it necessarily mean they're bad?
for me, whether you wear the hijab or not, is between you and Allah. as a person, i have no right to judge you, vice versa.
what about you then? you drink and smoke. does that make you a bad person (character wise, NOT religious wise)? i dont think so. not being able to differentiate right and wrong is your problem. i can advise you. but if it falls on deaf ears, then i wont bother anymore.
i hate it when people keep sindir- ing me lately. khalis made a remark yesterday, about my 'change'.
'why, you too cool for us ah?'
i swear to God i wanted to slap him.
my dear cousins, the reason why i keep avoiding you all is because i am trying to change. and whenever im with you all, you make me want to sin. im not blaming you, please understand that. i am blaming mself. my iman is not strong. i get influenced easily. ive tried hard reaching to this point, and i wouldnt want everything to go to waste with just one outing. ive tried advising you all to stop drinking, but you all keep mocking me, saying im too religious. leaving what is haram does not make me religious. i want to take islam as a whole. not just bits and pieces of it. if you all have a problem with that, then leave me out of your lives. i have no problem with that. of course, part of me doesnt want that. but if you all keep leading your lives this way, i guess its better for me, for all of us.
umi,
please stop aking me to go out with the cousins. i do admit, my prayers are a little bit more stable now, and ive no problems with the hijab. but still, i am not there yet. if the incident that happened about two months ago were to repeat, im not sure if id be able to stop myself. i stil have a long way to go umi. but i dont want everything that ive learned and sacrficed to perish just like that. i know myself well. i dont care if the aunts talk about me, or my change. ultimately, i do not aim to please, especially not to them. (i still care for my aunts, dont get me wrong) if they talk about me, its not my loss. i know that in islam, if you cause people to talk about your own actions, its your fault. but id rather that happen, then i go back to my old ways.
abah,
there's so much i wish to tell you. sometimes i wished you were as strong as umi. you're the only person in this world who undertsands me best. why must you be so far away from me? you keep telling me i can tell you anything, and not to rely so much on people. but how abah? i fear that if i were to tell you everything, you wouldnt be able to take it. take care abah. im not ready to lose you.
i am dejected.
my 17 year old cousin asked me to pass him a pack of twisties that amal was eating(without saying PLEASE). my other cousin, then question him why i should pass it to him. know what was his answer?
she's wearing the hijab, so she must be nice.
what a bloody stereotype.
so if i wear the hijab, i must be nice. what if im not wearing it? is the piece of cloth on my head an indication to you that i must be nice? what about the other girls on the streets who do not wear it? does it necessarily mean they're bad?
for me, whether you wear the hijab or not, is between you and Allah. as a person, i have no right to judge you, vice versa.
what about you then? you drink and smoke. does that make you a bad person (character wise, NOT religious wise)? i dont think so. not being able to differentiate right and wrong is your problem. i can advise you. but if it falls on deaf ears, then i wont bother anymore.
i hate it when people keep sindir- ing me lately. khalis made a remark yesterday, about my 'change'.
'why, you too cool for us ah?'
i swear to God i wanted to slap him.
my dear cousins, the reason why i keep avoiding you all is because i am trying to change. and whenever im with you all, you make me want to sin. im not blaming you, please understand that. i am blaming mself. my iman is not strong. i get influenced easily. ive tried hard reaching to this point, and i wouldnt want everything to go to waste with just one outing. ive tried advising you all to stop drinking, but you all keep mocking me, saying im too religious. leaving what is haram does not make me religious. i want to take islam as a whole. not just bits and pieces of it. if you all have a problem with that, then leave me out of your lives. i have no problem with that. of course, part of me doesnt want that. but if you all keep leading your lives this way, i guess its better for me, for all of us.
umi,
please stop aking me to go out with the cousins. i do admit, my prayers are a little bit more stable now, and ive no problems with the hijab. but still, i am not there yet. if the incident that happened about two months ago were to repeat, im not sure if id be able to stop myself. i stil have a long way to go umi. but i dont want everything that ive learned and sacrficed to perish just like that. i know myself well. i dont care if the aunts talk about me, or my change. ultimately, i do not aim to please, especially not to them. (i still care for my aunts, dont get me wrong) if they talk about me, its not my loss. i know that in islam, if you cause people to talk about your own actions, its your fault. but id rather that happen, then i go back to my old ways.
abah,
there's so much i wish to tell you. sometimes i wished you were as strong as umi. you're the only person in this world who undertsands me best. why must you be so far away from me? you keep telling me i can tell you anything, and not to rely so much on people. but how abah? i fear that if i were to tell you everything, you wouldnt be able to take it. take care abah. im not ready to lose you.
i am dejected.
Wednesday, February 18, 2009
enough, i said.
Heartbreak. I break. My word. So much for happy endings. Love is forever. Romance is temporal. Friendship(sisterhood ;D ) lasts. So do moments in memory. It is enough. Don't ask for the heavens for we are on earth.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)